Strings

Tumbling through the breeze, I see the world neither right side up, nor upside down. With no grasp, no control and no resistance.

Elements, come as they may - burned by the fires of my own passions, cut down by the ferocity of the wind, and drowned in the waters of emotion.

A creature of the earth, I see my reflection only for a moment – as I continue to descend through chaos. 

The night takes hold of my day.

Once free and unrestricted, reaching towards the sky with wild hopes – I, having been cut, burned and drowned, was now molded into a form I no longer recognized.

What arms are these that no longer stretch to kiss the face of the sun?

The wind slows, just enough for me to catch a breath.

Now. Now was the time for me to stand.

My legs shake beneath me as I desperately try to regain my footing.

One lead foot after another.

Digging my fingers into the earth beneath me, trying to gain strength from its energy, I beg the others for help. I longed for their gentle love, their strong bonds to all.

But they do not. 

They do not know me anymore. I am something else now. Living in two worlds. Understanding, and yet, not being understood.

I feel the wind’s fury begin to howl once more and dig deeper into my beloved earth – but I don’t belong there anymore;

the earth rejects my plea.

The wind, too strong, whisks me away once more. Slamming me into whatever is in my path. Battering my limp body. I slowly begin to lose parts of myself.

A chip, a cut, a brake. My earth has abandoned me – and the wind, a lustful wolf, has not finished devouring his prey.

Out of the side of my eye a figure emerges. It is one of them. One of the feared.

He softly tugs at me and, unwilling, I follow in his direction. I’m surprised to find that he shields me from the howling wolf, he offers his arm to help me stand, and he slowly begins to repair my broken form.

I wondered why I ever feared those like him. His gentleness, healing. His understanding, relieving. His attention, intoxicating.

As time passed, I began to forget the howling wind that haunted my nightmares. With his gentle tugs, my legs gathered strength. He led me into a dance of joy.

I spoke his language, and forgot my own.

The night descended onto my path once more. His caravan, sprinkled with warm lights, continues down the road.

Stiff and unsure, I hang on. Trying to prove my worth. Hoping he will still be there, when the day returns.

He pulls me into a corner, and leaves me there with a promise of return.

I hang on – realizing I trusted him for so long, I never recognized I had been leaning on him.

He orchestrated my dance. I followed with blind love for my hero.

The night lingered. The caravan lights dimmed. My restlessness grew.

His tenderness begins to fade; once gentle tugs, becoming sudden jerks. Directions become scrambled in my mind. 

Yesterday he did not dance with me, today, I am the light of his world, tomorrow… I fear what tomorrow brings.

In the distance, I hear a faint howl. I remember the deep cuts of the wind, and the wolf who dwells in it.

I stay tucked away, forgotten. Sometimes he jolts me out of my safe space, to remember what I looked like. 

His examination, a spell to keep me tied to him.

Rain seeps in through canvas walls, covering me like a cold, wet blanket. 

I watch him as he walks into the caravan, glowing – as he had once… with me, long ago. Something leans on his arm, and he gently sets it on the pedestal before him. 

I recognize the form, I recognize this creature he holds on to dearly. I recognize the look in his eyes.  

I watch him care for her broken pieces. His gentle warmth calms her fears. And while the creature basks in her new sun – I watch him slowly tie those strings around her wrists.

In that moment, I wondered how many came before me. And how many more would come after.

The puppet master has chosen a new marionette.