Intro: Found in the Darkness

She starts to creep in slowly. A tingling in my stomach. A slowness in my breathing. My heart rate picks up. My mind - in an effort to dump useless, menial information, hollows - quiets. It's almost as if I'm falling in love. This is when she appears. She tip-toes closer, not in a sinister, evil-doing way… but in the same way I once found comfort hiding in my sheet forts as a child. Or the way I’d feel, cuddled up, in a dimly lit corner reading a magical book about dragons and far away lands. 

She is a darkness that overcomes me, and clouds my mind. She takes over any sense of self, or ego I may claim as my own. In that darkness is where I find her, chained by my fears. She calls to me like a siren in the water. 

There I stay. 
Torn somewhere between fear and curiosity. 

Coming close enough to hear her whispers - but not daring to let her loose. Still, it’s her darkness that comforts me – which allows me to hide from the world, and make way for her - for parts of myself.

She pushes me to share different parts of my mind from different times in my life: personified and brought to life – as the "me" I show the world, hides in the darkness, with her. Pieces of myself slowly start to emerge as words on paper. How many personalities do I have? Are these characters really all me? Should I let them out? 

Should I let HER out - that one, the darkest part of myself, who has waited so patiently in the shadows of my mind for her story to be told. But what story would she tell? What secrets would she reveal? What traumas would she force me confront?

Am I ready to meet my muse? Am I ready to release the shadow queen I've kept chained in the caves of my mind?

This blog is dedicated to my journey as a writer in discovering what I fear the most: myself.